Teaching Empathy

Oh goodie! I finally found my smaller camera, so I'll be able to take some pics and video this week. Still on the hunt for the charger to my Cannon camera.

Laney has been melting my heart lately (to be honest, she always does). After reading "The Successful Child" by Dr. Sears about six to eight months ago, I really started to seize moments to so show/teach empathy and kindness to Laney. I believe by seizing these "moments", we raise empathetic and caring children. For example, when she trips and falls, even though I realize it was a painless fall and that she's not even hurt, I try to verbalize that I care that she fell down by asking her if she is okay and walking over to her to help her up. I try to do this every time and fight the urge to say, "Ohh, you're okay. Get up" while just standing there starring at her. I have heard women say that phrase soooo many times, and it's so popular it's ingrained in us even, so much that every now and then it just slips, and I say it, despite the fact that I don't even want to (and am trying to seize these teachable moments. ) Not that this reaction to said falls is harmful at all. I just think it's a wonderful opportunity to teach something positive! And since repetition is everything in teaching a toddler, I try to use every opportunity. This also has refined my sensitivity to others' feelings and reminded me of it's importance in relationships. Another example? When Laney coughs while eating, I try to remember to rub/pat her back and say, "Are you okay? Were you choking?" with concern in my voice.

As an adult, I like to receive concern/empathy from others as well. Hugh does a fantastic job of this with me. I was cooking in the kitchen and upon taking out a pizza from the oven, I touched the flaming, hot stone through the hole in my oven mitt. "Ouch!" I yelped, not even thinking anyone heard me. I didn't even continue to sigh or verbalize the painful sting I felt. I then heard Hugh say, "Are you okay? What happened? Oh man, I bet that hurt." Even though Hugh knew that I didn't "cut my arm off" or "have a third degree burn," he still made an effort to show that he cared. I am learning/trying to do the same in return. There were a few times this past year when Hugh bonked his head on something, and my response was less than emphathtic. In fact, it sounded a lot like what we're taught as Mothers to say to our children. I said, "Oh, that didn't hurt! You're okay." It doesn't feel good when you're on the receiving end of these words. Who doesn't like empathy and care? Even if it didn't hurt, where was my empathy if by some chance it was painful? The light-bulb went off at that point as I reflected back onto what I was reading in Dr. Sears' book, "The Successful Child."

Fast-forward to the other day when I was eating/drinking something while sitting on the floor with Laney. I started to cough or the water I was drinking "went down the other pipe". Instantly, I felt this tiny, little pat on my back. Laney was behind me and bent foward from behind so she could see my face. She looked me in the eye and asked, "You o-tay? You o-tay?" while continuing to pat my back until she heard a response from me. I was baffled and so thankful that I am choosing these "little teachable moments" to teach emphathy to my baby girl.

Another example would be in the car the other week. It was already dark outside and we were in our neighborhood about to pull into our driveway. I sneezed or coughed and from out of the dark backseat, I heard Laney ask, "You o-tay???" It didn't even register at first because I was either singing or deep in thought. She kept repeating her question until I answered. Finally it dawned on me what she was asking me and my heart melted.